How My Friends Helped Me During My Grieving and Suffering

By George Kuo

When my wife, Linda, passed away in April 2023, I wasn’t prepared to go through the pain that comes with such a grief journey. The first three months were the hardest for me.

By the grace of God, I’ve now begun to change my focus from looking back to what I have lost, to what I plan to do to move forward.

As I look back, I must thank at least six different kinds of friends who brought their caring gifts to minister to me during my time of suffering. Each friend came at just the right time using their different gifts which contributed to my timely and proper healing. I hope you can learn and follow the examples of my friends so you can also care for your friends well as they are going through their suffering.

Friend #1

A friend who generously gave me his time and his heart.

After my wife’s passing, I went back to Taiwan to visit my siblings and friends during the summer of 2023. One day, my friend took the whole day off and came to take me out to tour some beautiful scenic spots near the Taipei suburb areas. We stopped at a restaurant that specialized in organically raised chickens and family-farmed produce. We even had a chance to have afternoon coffee and snacks. Of course, as we enjoyed the day together, we wished Linda were there with us. We ended our day by enjoying the scenic beauty driving along the seashore.

At the end of the day, I thanked my friend repeatedly. He had given me a whole day to be with me and treated me to a healthy and sumptuous lunch, and also helped me with processing my grief. My friend might not know that what he had done was so soothing and healing to my suffering soul.

Friend #2

A husband and wife couple whose singing soothed my broken heart!

On my 84th birthday in December 2024, I was a little bit down because I was living alone in this senior community. When I went out shopping that day, my friends left a message on my phone recording their soprano and bass duet harmony, singing Happy Birthday to me. The music was so touching to my heart. The music from their hearts really made my day and encouraged me to move forward.

Friend #3

A friend who had the spiritual insight to give me the healing message I needed at that time.

One day I got a very beautiful card from a very good friend with healing words that touched my very soul. It said, “May God’s loving presence comfort you, His perfect peace restore you, and His promise of eternal life sustain you during this time of loss.”

This was the exact light of truth that I needed during my time of gloomy grieving. I actually shouted, “Yes, God’s three Ps (Presence, Peace, and Promise) is what I need at this time!” I have shared these three Ps with many friends, encouraging them to appreciate God’s grace and move forward with God’s blessings. What a joy to have this wise person as a close family friend!

Friend #4

A friend who acted as the hands and feet of Jesus.

One day another friend couple called, wanting to bring their prepared lunch to visit me. As we shared and enjoyed lunch together, my spirit was lifted up. I wanted to shed tears of joy and give thanks to this couple.

Here in my home, I was taught what it meant to be “the hands and feet of Jesus.” In my ear, I was hearing Jesus’ words, “…whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me” (Matthew 25:40b, NIV).

Friend #5

My two grown sons who are two “friends” I can call and write to any time. They have listening ears and unconditional love for me!

Over the past twenty months, while suffering grief, I often put my emotions into written words as a way to process all kinds of feelings. Right after I finished my writing, I would send it to my two sons. Then they would respond, listen, and show their empathy. My two sons are two “friends with whom I am well-pleased!”

Friend #6

By the grace of God’s friendship, I did not let platitudes and exhortations derail my grief journey.

During my grief, I did encounter a few examples from people who did not know better and would say something like these:

(1) Oh, she is in a better place now;

(2) I know how you feel;

(3) It has been a year now, you should get over it.

When I heard comments like these, I just let them go into the trash, knowing they meant well but were not helpful to anyone going through suffering.

I am grateful to all my friends who appeared at the right time to help me when I needed them. Now I can look back at what I have lost and let go of all that. At the same time, I realize that it’s time to look forward to what God still has in store for me. I am sure that I still have missions to accomplish and more friendships to enjoy before God calls me Home.

---

George Kuo lives in Southern New Jersey. He and his late wife, Linda, led marriage and relationship enrichment ministries for many years, including authoring a popular book on marital intimacy, Oneness in Marriage, based on Biblical principles and their own experiences through their many decades of marriage.

You can learn more about their ministry work and writings here: https://www.shen-guo.org/oneness-in-marriage.html. Since Linda’s passing into eternity in April 2023, George has been sharing his faith and journey of grief within his senior living community and beyond.

---