Friendship in College
By Susan Mangold
The Importance of Friendship
The importance of friendship in our lives is found throughout the Old and New Testaments. Although friendship can include simple companionship and association with someone, deeper friendship includes qualities like love, loyalty, care, and support.
Proverbs 17:17 tells us that “A friend loves at all times” while Proverbs 18:24 suggests that we look for a friend who “sticks closer than a brother.”
First Samuel 18:1-4 describes the close friendship between King David and Jonathan as their souls being “knit together.”
John 15:13 tells us there is no greater love than that one “lay down his life for his friends.”
Jesus placed a high value on friendship, demonstrated through his words and modeled in how he related to others. This holds true for us in our current world. An article published by the American Psychological Association reports that multiple research studies show a scientific link between friendship and well-being, with close friendships providing protection against mental health issues such as depression and anxiety, response to stress, and heart activity in difficult situations, while loneliness increases the risk of heart attack, stroke, and premature death.[1]
GOOD FRIENDS = a ward against depression, anxiety, stress
ISOLATION = increased likelihood of heart issues, stroke, premature death
It seems clear friendship is important for both our spiritual and overall well-being. But making and maintaining friendships can be difficult for many of us, and it is particularly challenging for college-age students. I’ve worked in a public four-year university for over thirty-six years, much of the time as Associate Dean of Students for Student Assistance and now as a mental health counselor in the college counseling center. I’ve had the opportunity to see this first-hand and, although always present, I’ve seen that students’ feelings of loneliness and problems with connecting to others have increased over the years.
College Students and Loneliness
This may be partly due to a difficult transition from high school to college. The over-involvement of parents in their children’s lives in recent years has contributed to students’ lack of skills to manage things effectively for themselves. This, combined with relaxed academic standards in high school and social isolation due to the COVID epidemic, have made the transition gap from high school to college larger and more challenging to transverse than ever.
Another factor may be due to the push for all students to go to college. Changes to admissions policies and the Americans with Disabilities Act have made it possible in recent years for students that struggle with health or mental health issues, including social anxiety and Autism Spectrum Disorder, to attend college with accommodations. Many of these students lack the social skills needed to form functional relationships without additional guidance.
Technology and Social Disconnection
We also can’t ignore our culture’s societal obsession with social media as a factor in social disconnection. I find it ironic that the technology designed to bring us closer together in reality tends to keep us farther apart. Perhaps you’ve seen photos of gatherings where everyone is looking at their phones instead of interacting with each other. Many students focus on texting or posts in the various apps available to communicate. A problem with this is that it’s impossible to read body language or facial expressions, and it’s often difficult to convey the emotions behind the words. Additionally, people feel braver to say something in a text that they would never say in person. Although this can sometimes be beneficial, it often causes miscommunication. I’ve observed that many students in particular have lost or never developed the ability to communicate effectively in person. I’ve met with more than a few students who believed they were wronged in some way but then realized they weren’t, once encouraged to talk it out in person, rather than through email or text.
This reliance on written communication interferes with each college student’s ability to make and maintain friendships. Students may have a group of superficial friends, but many of them are still lonely because they lack a true connectedness with someone. In addition to the negative impact loneliness can have on mental health and overall well-being, numerous studies in recent years have linked student connectedness and feelings of belonging with college academic and personal success. Hoyt found that more connections to campus resources and programs were linked to higher retention rates while other researchers found that a sense of belongingness,[2] connectedness and bonding with others were the most consistent predictors of retention, thriving, well-being and satisfaction.[3]
Addressing Loneliness and Isolation
It falls upon colleges to address this need so their students are in a better position to succeed. Most four-year colleges have counseling staff that meet with students individually or offer counseling groups to help with social skills and relationship-building. Most of us have found that these options, while good, are not enough to meet the lack of connectedness among college students today.
We struggle to come up with ideas that will help students connect with the university and with each other. Recognizing that efforts must go beyond traditional counseling models, the counselors at West Chester University in Pennsylvania have developed a creative initiative in campus programming to encourage student connections. In a recent session at the 2024 PASSHE Summit, presenters described their Humanity and Resilience Project: Connect. Not Compare, designed to encourage resiliency through encouraging genuine social connections.
They worked with campus partners to provide two events in the fall semester that were free to students and included food, games, prizes and give aways, and structured activities that required interaction. Presenters stressed the need to go where the students are rather than trying to get them into the counseling center, to offer multiple incentives, and to plan structured activities that ‘force’ students to interact with each other in dyads or small groups. They are optimistic in their ability to reach more students with spring semester events, and I will be working with campus partners at my university to develop similar programming.[4]
Recognizing that we need to do something different to encourage our college students in developing deeper friendships and connections is the first step in addressing the loneliness that can lead to physical problems, mental health concerns, and poor academic performance.
Finding effective ways to address social isolation is more challenging, but necessary. Yes, we have a professional responsibility to our students, but it is also what Christ directs us to do- to love others as he has loved us. I can’t think of a better way to do this than developing our own friendships and encouraging others to do the same.
Susan Mangold is a licensed professional counselor in Pennsylvania, USA and has labored for students' wellness and academic success in a university setting for over 35 years. She also teaches a graduate college course, supports local nonprofits, and is very active with her community-based church. She enjoys working out, acting in community theatre, and traveling with her husband, Gary.
Together they have five children and seven grandchildren across four states.
References
1. Abrams, Z. (2023, June 1). “The Science of Why Friendships Keep Us Healthy.” Monitor of Psychology, Vol. 54 No. 4. American Psychological Association. Retrieved December 6, 2024 from https://www.apa.org/monitor/2023/06/cover-story-science-friendship.
2. Hoyt, J. E. (2023). Student Connections: The Critical Role of Student Affairs and Academic Support Services in Retention.
3. Boyd, N.; Liu, X.; and Horissian, K. (August, 2022). Impact of Community Experiences on Student Retention Perceptions and Satisfaction in Higher Education. Journal of College Student Retention: Research, Theory & Practice, 24(2), 337 365. Efforts. Journal of College Student Retention: Research, Theory & Practice, 25(3), 480-491.
4. Daltry, R. And Sibley, S. (May, 2024). Building Resilience and Increasing Retention One Connection at a Time: A Guide to Effective Programming on College Campuses. Presentation at the 2024 PASSHE Summit, Millersville, PA.
What wisdom would you give to your old self on following Jesus well?
I say, “The Lord sees you. It feels insufficient, but plant that truth deep in your heart. He sees you, and he’s with you…” and “He will use the mundane to reveal Himself. God will use the mundane to reveal Himself…”